Friday, August 15, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Update to bee sting...
This is my arm after two days of the bee sting. :( It itches!!! And keeps getting bigger.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Church in California
Not yesterday but the sunday before I had a really interesting experiance in Church. It was something I never thought I would experiance. Saturday I got a call from the primary presidency telling me that we wouldn't be having sharing time on Sunday (Andy and I teach the Valiant 10,11, and 12 year old boys) instead we will be having a meeting with everybody in the chapel again. So like 2 sacraments.
We go to Church and teach our lesson then head to this meeting. The bishop stands up and conducts the meeting. It is all about how we need to do everything in our power to stop gay marriages. We had had discussions on it in Sacrament before however they were not getting the response they wanted I guess. We were asked to donate our time and means (aka Money). This request was straight from the Prophet. The thursday before our entire stake leaders met with the stake president who had spoken to the higher Church authorities and told everyone to have this meeting. That is a lot to ask a Bishop to do in my opinion. Ask everybody in their wards to donate money. WOW! Our bishop is probably one of the most polite, calm people in the world and his wife is one of the most outspoken people in the world. As he was up there talking about it she just couldn't keep her mouth shut!
It was a great thing too, in my opinion. She said when he came home and told her what was going on she got kind of upset and wondered why it was such a big deal. We discuss it and remind everybody in Sacrament, we don't need to have a huge meeting about it telling everyone they have to give up their hard earned money. Then her husband explained how it doesn't matter if the bill doesn't pass, it doesn't matter if it gets overturned AGAIN, the main thing is our Prophet asked us to and more or less in his opinion this is a matter of faith and following the prophet. Very well said!
Obviously there are reasons that the church doesn't want gay marriages to happen. The biggest being marraige is ordained of God between a man and a women. If women were meant to be with other women they would be able to procreate together, the same with men. It's like sticking an American plug into a european outlet, it just isn't what is supposed to happen.
I don't have any problem with homosexuals, I grew up around them. They are wonderful people! The problem is if they get the right to marry it opens up a whole new can of worms. This world is already going the wrong direction, the least we can do is try to slow down the process. America is only the promised land if we are a land that fears God. For some reason, I think we are failing to do that at this point in time.
Anyway, I just thought it was kind of strange to have the church asking us to donate not to the church, but to a coalition of churches to try to stop the insanity. All I could think about was "This is how it must have felt to be in one of those old meetings where Joseph Smith was telling everyone how they had to help by giving of their time and money." I was thrown back into the olden days. So there's my story. I will probably write more about my feelings to come.
If you want to see the website it is www.Protectmarriage.com
We go to Church and teach our lesson then head to this meeting. The bishop stands up and conducts the meeting. It is all about how we need to do everything in our power to stop gay marriages. We had had discussions on it in Sacrament before however they were not getting the response they wanted I guess. We were asked to donate our time and means (aka Money). This request was straight from the Prophet. The thursday before our entire stake leaders met with the stake president who had spoken to the higher Church authorities and told everyone to have this meeting. That is a lot to ask a Bishop to do in my opinion. Ask everybody in their wards to donate money. WOW! Our bishop is probably one of the most polite, calm people in the world and his wife is one of the most outspoken people in the world. As he was up there talking about it she just couldn't keep her mouth shut!
It was a great thing too, in my opinion. She said when he came home and told her what was going on she got kind of upset and wondered why it was such a big deal. We discuss it and remind everybody in Sacrament, we don't need to have a huge meeting about it telling everyone they have to give up their hard earned money. Then her husband explained how it doesn't matter if the bill doesn't pass, it doesn't matter if it gets overturned AGAIN, the main thing is our Prophet asked us to and more or less in his opinion this is a matter of faith and following the prophet. Very well said!
Obviously there are reasons that the church doesn't want gay marriages to happen. The biggest being marraige is ordained of God between a man and a women. If women were meant to be with other women they would be able to procreate together, the same with men. It's like sticking an American plug into a european outlet, it just isn't what is supposed to happen.
I don't have any problem with homosexuals, I grew up around them. They are wonderful people! The problem is if they get the right to marry it opens up a whole new can of worms. This world is already going the wrong direction, the least we can do is try to slow down the process. America is only the promised land if we are a land that fears God. For some reason, I think we are failing to do that at this point in time.
Anyway, I just thought it was kind of strange to have the church asking us to donate not to the church, but to a coalition of churches to try to stop the insanity. All I could think about was "This is how it must have felt to be in one of those old meetings where Joseph Smith was telling everyone how they had to help by giving of their time and money." I was thrown back into the olden days. So there's my story. I will probably write more about my feelings to come.
If you want to see the website it is www.Protectmarriage.com
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Poor little Bee....
After church today Andy and I decided that we were going to go for a little drive in the Jeep. We thought we might head to Lake Henshaw or the Desert, we weren't sure which but we got in the car and headed out. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. My always prepared husband had to stop by work and grab his bag of tools. We wouldn't want to get stranded without tools. That would be ridiculous!!!
So, as we are getting back onto the freeway I feel something that hurts REALLY bad on my right shoulder that happens to be hanging out the window. Maybe it's a stupid spider! I go to flick it off when I realize it's not a spider or any other living thing....it's the sticker from a bee! I pull it out, then me (being the brilliant person that I am) try to look at it.... WITH THE SAME HAND I AM HOLDING THE STICKER IN!!! Needless to say, I get poked AGAIN! This time I do it to myself. OWW!
Andy starts laughing at me as I am laughing at myself and pulls off the next exit. We take the proper precautions and call my mom to see if I am allergic to bees. We don't know so we head to the store to buy some benedryl, just in case! After leaving the store we decide not to go far away from civilization since we don't know what is to come. We head up to Rainbow, CA to see one of the houses Andy grew up in. On the way we come to a few different conclusions on why I got stung....
1. We weren't supposed to go out in the middle of nowhere.
2. Somebody else that was deathly allergic was going to be stung by that be, so it's better me than that person.
3. I just really shouldn't leave the windows down and my arm hanging out while on the freeway!
Personally, I like to go with option #2!
One more thing crosses my mind....The poor little Bee....
I mean, all he is doing is just flying trying to keep up with traffic when BAM, he gets sucked into my car, butt first I might add, and loses his poor little life. What a way to die! Poor little guy. I name him STICKER!
What luck...
(The bottom red spot is the original sting....the top one is where I stung myself.)
So, as we are getting back onto the freeway I feel something that hurts REALLY bad on my right shoulder that happens to be hanging out the window. Maybe it's a stupid spider! I go to flick it off when I realize it's not a spider or any other living thing....it's the sticker from a bee! I pull it out, then me (being the brilliant person that I am) try to look at it.... WITH THE SAME HAND I AM HOLDING THE STICKER IN!!! Needless to say, I get poked AGAIN! This time I do it to myself. OWW!
Andy starts laughing at me as I am laughing at myself and pulls off the next exit. We take the proper precautions and call my mom to see if I am allergic to bees. We don't know so we head to the store to buy some benedryl, just in case! After leaving the store we decide not to go far away from civilization since we don't know what is to come. We head up to Rainbow, CA to see one of the houses Andy grew up in. On the way we come to a few different conclusions on why I got stung....
1. We weren't supposed to go out in the middle of nowhere.
2. Somebody else that was deathly allergic was going to be stung by that be, so it's better me than that person.
3. I just really shouldn't leave the windows down and my arm hanging out while on the freeway!
Personally, I like to go with option #2!
One more thing crosses my mind....The poor little Bee....
I mean, all he is doing is just flying trying to keep up with traffic when BAM, he gets sucked into my car, butt first I might add, and loses his poor little life. What a way to die! Poor little guy. I name him STICKER!
What luck...
(The bottom red spot is the original sting....the top one is where I stung myself.)
Friday, August 8, 2008
Picture Perfect
Last night Andy and I went on a date. We decided to head to the harbor in Oceanside since we always head down south instead of staying up here. We went to all the little shops on the harbor then we got hungry so we took a drive down the 101 looking for a taco bell or something stupid. I saw a little place called "101 Cafe" and asked Andy if we could stop there. We had a great dinner in a place that had been there since 1928. So cute! Kinda slow service but that what you get when you go to one of those places they make the food right then. LOL! Then after that we headed to Tamarack Beach and had a nice walk along the beach.
As we were driving home I made the comment to Andy "ya know, these things look much more exciting in the movies." He replied with the comment "That's why you need to just have fun and not think about how picture perfect everything has to be." It's so true, I have always tried to make everything picture perfect when it already is!!!! Life is great! I love my husband. Now to tackle the finances :)
As we were driving home I made the comment to Andy "ya know, these things look much more exciting in the movies." He replied with the comment "That's why you need to just have fun and not think about how picture perfect everything has to be." It's so true, I have always tried to make everything picture perfect when it already is!!!! Life is great! I love my husband. Now to tackle the finances :)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
A year full of goodbyes
As I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning all I can think about is the many goodbyes I have had to say this year. A few a lot more permanent then others.
The year started off by having to say goodbye to a Mother of a best friend. This goodbye was expected to come, however not nearly as soon as it came and we all prayed that it wouldn't actually come the way it did. I remember walking to my bedroom with Andy heading for bed around 11 pm when the phone rang. I looked down at it, about to hit the silence button realizing that something was not right. Cara would not be calling me so late, she just wouldn't. Hearing her crying on the other end, not comprehending what was really going on, feeling so desperate to help but knowing that there was nothing I could do at that point, couldn't go help the kids, nothing. Can't I just go hug her? I just want to be there with her!!! I know that is Matts job so I just lay in bed waiting for the call back to tell me what to do. Andy is halfway asleep and doesn't even realize what has just happened. Aside from Andy I didn't know if I could tell anyone, would that be out of line? So I sat there, crying in my bed wishing there was something I could do.
Luckily the chance came. Without stepping on anyones toes I received the wonderful opportunity to go with Cara to help say her goodbye. As we walked into the Mortuary I didn't know what to do, all I knew was I needed to be strong for her. We walked down to see her mother peacefully, happily laying on the table ready for her daughter to take care of her. Get her all dressed up one last time. She looked so happy, so wonderfully peaceful! I just knew she was in a better place. I was blessed to be able to paint her nails and enjoy the company of her wonderful spirit. When it came time to leave Cara put it best "I just don't want to go" I felt the exact same way. I'm sorry Cara, I'm sorry I didn't go and let you and your mother have your personal time. I didn't know what you needed me to do. All I wanted to do was be there...with you, with her. The funeral came and she looked incredible! Cara did an amazing job at making her mother look perfect! I was so blessed to have the opportunity to see her and say my goodbye.
Next came the call that Andys dad had cancer. That was the sign we had been looking/waiting for. We were to move to California. Saying goodbye to all our (my) family and friends. It's ok, it won't be forever, right? Thankfully we have the technology we do today and I can still talk to all of you, however it's just not the same. It's like a goodbye to me, to who I am because you all make me the person I am. We did all of our hugs and I pray everyday that those will not be the last hugs I give all of you.
The most recent goodbye was completely unexpected and the reason I do pray that our hugs will not be our last. July 7th I am sitting at Andys work as my phone rings. It's Diane....I wonder what she could want. As I say hi and ask her how she is doing I hear her voice change. You could tell how hard she was trying to stay calm. "I'm not doing very well." I've never heard those words come out of her mouth before, it was something bad. "My dad killed himself Bran" I could hear the pain and tears in her voice. All I do is cry. Trying so hard to make it sound like I am not crying just wanting to be strong for her. I can't even ask how it happened, I can't do that to her.
We are on the phone about 5-10 minutes then we hang up and all I can do is cry. Andy came out of the restroom to me crying. At this point all I want to do is be in Utah. Why did we have to move to California?? Does she want me out there? Is that going to cause too much stress? As I am looking up flights with our non-existant money I get the guts to ask her if she wants me out there. My heart feels a LITTLE better when I get the text "I would love that" back. Good, cause I need you Diane. I don't know what to do.
I hop on the next flight out to Utah and Cara picks me up. After a little delay at the airport we are on our way to Dianes. I think that was honestly the longest day of my life. Waiting for Andy to get off work to take me to the airport, waiting for the plane, trying to find the parking ticket and then the drive down there. I wanted to be happy and have a good time with Cara but I couldn't. It just didn't feel right. Finally we pull up to Dianes moms, I get to hug her. We spend the night together and all I want to do is hold her, but I don't. I just don't know what to do.
The rest of the week all I can do is say "I'm here for you Diane, if you want me to be there I will be there. If you need time alone I don't want to push you" All I want is to be with her. To be able to cry with her. I just don't believe it. How could he be that selfish? He had the two greatest kids in the world, why would he do such a thing? Why can't I be there? I am blessed to be able to spend "family time" with the Porters and go to Park City with them. It was wonderful but there is still no goodbye for me. I have to come back to Cali before the funeral. Things still don't feel right. I don't think anything will ever be the same. I came home to my sister in law complaining about having to write a report on suicide and all I can think of is 'you don't even know'. Trying to somewhat explain any type of feeling that is going through my head without screaming at her or bawling my eyes out. All my views and opinions changed within a few hours of the phone call and then to have someone not understand or even care. Why? How?
I never got my goodbye and I suppose I never will so Goodbye Davey! I love you and I am glad that you are happier now and not in pain anymore.
No more goodbyes seem signifigant. I don't want to say goodbye anymore. I just want to be there, always.
I am so sorry Cara and Diane if at anytime during these hard times in your life I was not there. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I stood there like a fool trying to make you smile during the hardest time in your lives. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be there. I know you are both still hurting so bad and I still want to be with you. Why this year? Why did I have to move to California this year? Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your lives. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know how much pain I am still in and I didn't know either of them as much as you guys did. I love you both! Please let me know if there is anything more I can do.
Andy always wonders why I always want to be at his dads house, I just realized it. I am so afraid of having to say another goodbye. It doesn't matter how well his Chemo is going, I can't say goodbye. I just can't. Not this year.
I made my two friends at work and I get to say goodbye to both of them in the next month because they get to move.
I pray that all of our hugs will not be our last. Thank you so much for all of your love and support! Please keep in touch! I love all of you! No Goodbyes!
The year started off by having to say goodbye to a Mother of a best friend. This goodbye was expected to come, however not nearly as soon as it came and we all prayed that it wouldn't actually come the way it did. I remember walking to my bedroom with Andy heading for bed around 11 pm when the phone rang. I looked down at it, about to hit the silence button realizing that something was not right. Cara would not be calling me so late, she just wouldn't. Hearing her crying on the other end, not comprehending what was really going on, feeling so desperate to help but knowing that there was nothing I could do at that point, couldn't go help the kids, nothing. Can't I just go hug her? I just want to be there with her!!! I know that is Matts job so I just lay in bed waiting for the call back to tell me what to do. Andy is halfway asleep and doesn't even realize what has just happened. Aside from Andy I didn't know if I could tell anyone, would that be out of line? So I sat there, crying in my bed wishing there was something I could do.
Luckily the chance came. Without stepping on anyones toes I received the wonderful opportunity to go with Cara to help say her goodbye. As we walked into the Mortuary I didn't know what to do, all I knew was I needed to be strong for her. We walked down to see her mother peacefully, happily laying on the table ready for her daughter to take care of her. Get her all dressed up one last time. She looked so happy, so wonderfully peaceful! I just knew she was in a better place. I was blessed to be able to paint her nails and enjoy the company of her wonderful spirit. When it came time to leave Cara put it best "I just don't want to go" I felt the exact same way. I'm sorry Cara, I'm sorry I didn't go and let you and your mother have your personal time. I didn't know what you needed me to do. All I wanted to do was be there...with you, with her. The funeral came and she looked incredible! Cara did an amazing job at making her mother look perfect! I was so blessed to have the opportunity to see her and say my goodbye.
Next came the call that Andys dad had cancer. That was the sign we had been looking/waiting for. We were to move to California. Saying goodbye to all our (my) family and friends. It's ok, it won't be forever, right? Thankfully we have the technology we do today and I can still talk to all of you, however it's just not the same. It's like a goodbye to me, to who I am because you all make me the person I am. We did all of our hugs and I pray everyday that those will not be the last hugs I give all of you.
The most recent goodbye was completely unexpected and the reason I do pray that our hugs will not be our last. July 7th I am sitting at Andys work as my phone rings. It's Diane....I wonder what she could want. As I say hi and ask her how she is doing I hear her voice change. You could tell how hard she was trying to stay calm. "I'm not doing very well." I've never heard those words come out of her mouth before, it was something bad. "My dad killed himself Bran" I could hear the pain and tears in her voice. All I do is cry. Trying so hard to make it sound like I am not crying just wanting to be strong for her. I can't even ask how it happened, I can't do that to her.
We are on the phone about 5-10 minutes then we hang up and all I can do is cry. Andy came out of the restroom to me crying. At this point all I want to do is be in Utah. Why did we have to move to California?? Does she want me out there? Is that going to cause too much stress? As I am looking up flights with our non-existant money I get the guts to ask her if she wants me out there. My heart feels a LITTLE better when I get the text "I would love that" back. Good, cause I need you Diane. I don't know what to do.
I hop on the next flight out to Utah and Cara picks me up. After a little delay at the airport we are on our way to Dianes. I think that was honestly the longest day of my life. Waiting for Andy to get off work to take me to the airport, waiting for the plane, trying to find the parking ticket and then the drive down there. I wanted to be happy and have a good time with Cara but I couldn't. It just didn't feel right. Finally we pull up to Dianes moms, I get to hug her. We spend the night together and all I want to do is hold her, but I don't. I just don't know what to do.
The rest of the week all I can do is say "I'm here for you Diane, if you want me to be there I will be there. If you need time alone I don't want to push you" All I want is to be with her. To be able to cry with her. I just don't believe it. How could he be that selfish? He had the two greatest kids in the world, why would he do such a thing? Why can't I be there? I am blessed to be able to spend "family time" with the Porters and go to Park City with them. It was wonderful but there is still no goodbye for me. I have to come back to Cali before the funeral. Things still don't feel right. I don't think anything will ever be the same. I came home to my sister in law complaining about having to write a report on suicide and all I can think of is 'you don't even know'. Trying to somewhat explain any type of feeling that is going through my head without screaming at her or bawling my eyes out. All my views and opinions changed within a few hours of the phone call and then to have someone not understand or even care. Why? How?
I never got my goodbye and I suppose I never will so Goodbye Davey! I love you and I am glad that you are happier now and not in pain anymore.
No more goodbyes seem signifigant. I don't want to say goodbye anymore. I just want to be there, always.
I am so sorry Cara and Diane if at anytime during these hard times in your life I was not there. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I stood there like a fool trying to make you smile during the hardest time in your lives. I'm sorry. I just wanted to be there. I know you are both still hurting so bad and I still want to be with you. Why this year? Why did I have to move to California this year? Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your lives. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I know how much pain I am still in and I didn't know either of them as much as you guys did. I love you both! Please let me know if there is anything more I can do.
Andy always wonders why I always want to be at his dads house, I just realized it. I am so afraid of having to say another goodbye. It doesn't matter how well his Chemo is going, I can't say goodbye. I just can't. Not this year.
I made my two friends at work and I get to say goodbye to both of them in the next month because they get to move.
I pray that all of our hugs will not be our last. Thank you so much for all of your love and support! Please keep in touch! I love all of you! No Goodbyes!
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